I want to write

I want to write...I want to write a lot. I want to write each and every feeling that i am going through. I want to write which i can't say to anyone in this world. I want to tell you my dear blog that i feel helpless at times. I feel like i am the most selfish girl on this planet. I feel like i am the reason behind his failure. I feel pathetic. I feel so unlucky sometimes that i can't even describe. Sometimes i don't feel like talking to anyone and i just want to be myself. 
I smile, i laugh but nobody knows what i am going through. I am fighting with myself. I am fighting with the thought that i have spoiled someone's life. I want to make him happy. I want to make him feel loved. I love him. I really love him a lot. But i don't know what should i do and how should i do? This long distance relationship sucks with no hope of being together. Not being able to love him sucks. Words can express the way how i feel but distance kills it. An eye contact on skype gives some relief but the feeling of holding hand is missing. It's an another awkward phase of my life. Where i love him but i can't get him. I have no idea what future holds but i want to be with him like always...always. I wish if i could spend every night hugging him and kissing him. Nights are the best to express love. 
I am here again and wish to get some answers of my questions. I just wish to love him forever.